I Feel Like I’m Doing Something Illegal By Actually Teaching My Kids


Real authentic teaching.

The art and science of teaching is a talent.  Those of us who are passionate about our profession, are deeply trained in instructional pedagogy, and know how to light the fire and love of learning in our students… are the ones growing more and more down and disheartened when the latest and greatest “new” reform or mandate hits our classrooms.

Being handcuffed to these mandates and reforms (many are wasteful and ineffective) and seeing the transformation of the teaching profession slowly erode… sends teachers into the grief cycle.

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

The Teacher Grief Cycle

Denial… No way are “they” expecting me to do this!  What?  This isn’t good for children.  Seriously?

Anger… This is complete B.S.!  I want to throw these materials out the window.  I want to burn them.  I want to tear them up and send them to my curriculum director.

Bargaining…  Well, maybe I can figure out a way to tweak these lessons to make them more accessible to my students.  Maybe I can sneak in a creative lesson now and again and work around this pacing guide.

Anger… Oh my GAWD.  This lesson is the stupidest thing I ever read in my life.  I refuse to teach this one!  I don’t give a rats booty if my principal walks by my room and asks me how many lessons I have completed from the adopted “program”.

Depression…  I can’t keep doing this.  Every single lesson needs revising and I have to rewrite it so my students can learn.  I’m exhausted.  The end of module test is garbage.  Now I need to use my prep to rewrite it and put it in a better format.  When I get home, I’m going to bed.  The alarm sounds in the morning… do I have to go to school? How many sick days do I have left?

Anger… Oh crap!  For the next three weeks I have several tests to administer.  Test Test Test.  I haven’t had the time to teach the content because three weeks ago, I just finished the last round of testing.  Anyone have a hammer?  I’d like to smash all the computer screens.

Bargaining…  Hang in there.   Get up.  Once I walk into the classroom and the students arrive their faces will put a smile on my face.  They need me. They are my purpose. I can figure this out.  I can work around all the expectations and mandates placed on me.  Maybe I will stay until 7:00 p.m. tonight and get caught up.  I think my spouse is golfing this evening.  Hmmm… who can I call to watch Johnny?

Depression/Bargaining…  I’ve been late home every night.  I’m missing out on being with my family.  Johnny has basketball tonight.  Did I turn in the form he needed?  I can’t remember?  Wonder if I can make a healthy meal before we leave for practice?  I’m exhausted.  Maybe I can get away with one more night of fast food?  After I get Johnny to bed, I have 30 tests to grade.  Each item requires me to use a scoring rubric.  I wonder if I can grade them in one hour?  Maybe I can get to bed by 10:00 p.m. tonight?  I have to be to school by 6:30 a.m. so I have a little time to prep for my lessons and get materials ready before the 7:00 – 8:00 a.m. grade level morning meeting…  then I need to greet my new student before the bell rings… puts my class size at 28.  Sigh.

Anger… I hate this job.  I don’t love it anymore.  If I hear the word “rigor” or “data” or “I Can Statements” or “unpacking the standards” one more time, I am surely going to explode!

Depression… How many more years do I have until I can retire?  Too many?  Hmmm… what else can I do?

Bargaining…  But… But… But… I love TEACHING.  I mean when I really really get to authentically TEACH.  I love creating engaging lessons and inspiring my students to find their talents and passions.

Acceptance…  Well, since this crap doesn’t seem to be going away… I’m going to close my door and do what I’ve been trained to do.  I am a TEACHER.  I TEACH.

Consider the Following Story Written By a Talented Middle School Teacher in Ohio

“We had a PLC yesterday (which is what they call these meetings when they simply tell us how its going to be; no real “learning,” sharing among colleagues or enlightenment going on).   They told us that our test scores were absolute crap. They did say that they know the tests are garbage, but that we still needed to show more “rigor” in how we taught our students so that they could rise to the challenge.

There’s that damn word again.


I DESPISE that word.

We are now being told that all of our assessments should start to look like questions from the AIR test that Ohio has been saddled with to “get the kids used to them.” I’ve been assessing my kids for understanding for years through projects, stories, journal entries, formative assessments, and numerous varied ways for years, and I think I know how to tell if my kids understand something by this point.

What’s killing me is that EVEN THOUGH MY CURRICULUM DIRECTOR KNOWS THIS IS WRONG and HAS TOLD US IT’S GARBAGE, he is still encouraging us to do it, knowing full well that our kids don’t think, don’t even have the capacity to think, on the level that the tests want them to…

Alas, it served to depress the hell out of me yesterday. Then I just said ” ‘F’ it.” And went right back to what I normally do. This is insanity anymore, not real, authentic education.

I feel like I’m doing something illegal by actually TEACHING my kids.”

-Ohio Middle School Teacher

The Five Stages of Grief are Alive and Well in Classrooms Across the U.S.A.

The 5 Stages of Grief are alive and well.  Educators bounce back and forth between each stage often, sometimes daily.

Consider the national teacher shortage.

Consider the reports of the number of teachers leaving the profession after only 5 years of classroom experience and those retiring early.

Consider what all “The Testing” and “Mandates” and “Reforms” are “Gaining”.

Improved student learning?

Consider the thousands of teachers who are standing strong and staying.

Consider the real reason they stay.

Passionately Submitted,


3 thoughts on “I Feel Like I’m Doing Something Illegal By Actually Teaching My Kids

  1. Thank you for justifying how we feel every day. So many of us have these feelings and talk to one another about them because it is are reality daily. I am proud of the parent movement; they are the ones with the support of many (bloggers, teachers, administrators, BOEs, and everyone else who believe in Public Education and Democracy) who will turn this reform around, because our unions at the state and national level have given lip service to its members with out real change. Thank you, thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Twilightrider,

      I feel for all teachers. I feel for what is happening to our schools and to our students. I do feel the loss of what was “authentic teaching”.

      I am concerned with the NEA and AFT who are supporting the establishment. They endorsed a presidential candidate I will not vote for. They still are espousing the need for common core… And they supported the new ESEA Reauthorization… which basically is handing our public schools over to the privatizers. I am very concerned about the co-opting I observe with organizations like TFA (Teach for America) and The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. How can the NEA and AFT continue to be bedfellows with these kind of organizations… when both of the mentioned organizations are very much a part of undermining the teaching profession and assisting in the destruction of our public schools?

      I am non-partisan. This is about our children.

      Stay the course!


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